those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
