Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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