One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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