I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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