false alarm. still invincible.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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