I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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