His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize