how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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