In the future we'll all be gay
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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