she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize