I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
