Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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