Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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