i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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