This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize