my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
