kristin has been a bad kristin
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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