What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Randomize
