She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
