Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
