Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize