this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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