My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
