Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
