im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
