I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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