Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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