Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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