i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
