HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
