We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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