i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize