i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Randomize
