Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
