i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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