Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
