whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
