I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
