i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
