she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
