Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
handjob tips. give me some.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
