dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
