I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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