There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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