Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
