I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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