Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
