i think i have two assholes
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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