YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
How drunk are you?
Completed.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
