I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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