I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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