we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Randomize
