My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
