I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
