Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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