I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
