He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
