Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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