plz talk dirty to me
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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