Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
