Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
