Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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