I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just forgot I was standing up.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
