No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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