Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize