Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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