Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
