carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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