There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
