I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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