I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
