it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My cat gives me a boner
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize