Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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