And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
