so explain again why im purple
no
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
