I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
