I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
