just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize