Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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