neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
