So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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