My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
