East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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