So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
