OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
