There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i drank out of a bidet.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
