Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Randomize
