he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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