Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
