I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
