Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I think i got beer on your cat.
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