I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
