i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
meet me or not, i'm out of control
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
