matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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