The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
