I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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