Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
