The best revenge is premature balding
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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