I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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