I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
