Whatcha textin bout Willis?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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