All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
